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Love's Ever-Changing Face
by Curt Degenhart
Anyone who's ever had a brush with the thing called love knows that this feeling
so desired is also tough to pin down. There are so many kinds. We've got lusty
love, companionate love, fraternal love, the kind of love you have for your
grandparents, thrilling love, young love, self love, and love mixed in with a
lot of pain-and many more. How can we survive a relationship with all these
different forms of love floating around? If you can't survive the change, you'd
better learn, since relationships are filled with love that's ever-changing.
Love's Frontier
You start out a relationship with tons of passionate love, with lots of lust
mixed in. New love feels like you're climbing a mountain-thrilling, with lots of
new territory to explore with every step. As the relationship endures (if you're
lucky enough to have it endure) you'll begin to grow to know each other more
deeply. Then love deepens, too, broadening into a 'best-friend' and
companion-style love. No doubt the lusty, new love is still there, but starts to
get filled out by these other feelings.
It's when love starts to change form that some people can't cope; they sense the
shift as a loss of passion. They sense a reduction in passion, which to them
means that something's wrong with the relationship. But it doesn't have to be
that way.
When you feel yourself moving over into the companionate sort of love, just
relax. It's not easy, but try to let the relationship exist at its level. It
takes some getting used to but as you may soon find you enjoy it, too. This
phase I have affectionately termed The Plains of Kansas. On the Plains, you are
definitely no longer in the mountains of love/lust, with all that unexplored,
exciting territory, where each step takes you around a new corner, over a new
rock. But The Plains of Kansas have their own charms and benefits-you'll just
have to look a litter harder for what's interesting there, see a little farther.
You're in a place that seems to go on forever, with no apparent markers or
change in landscape. But if you pay attention to the details, you'll find plenty
to keep you interested.
Dizzying Love
Of course, the thrill of falling in love has its ups and downs two. As love
swells up then changes in a relationship, so does your sanity level-or so it
seems. On the first date, maybe you feel some of your senses slipping away,
"melting into her eyes." After a month you may think, "I don't
feel right when we're apart." But you never had that problem before. And of
course, it doesn't feel like too serious a problem to have. It is part of the
thrill of love.
Let's face it. Partners complicate our lives. First, we're driven nearly crazy
with the heady rush to love. Our friends will wonder what's happened to us.
Then, after a few more dates, a few more weeks, both men and women wonder
neurotically, often desperately:"What if she doesn't like me as much as I
like her?"... "Am I being used?"... "Is he going to pull
away just when I'm falling in love?"... "How much will a breakup hurt
me?" Not pleasant thoughts. But we've all experienced them at least
momentarily as we embark down the road to coupledom.
Love can get even more complicated the longer you're in it. For instance, lovers
tend to know more than anyone about our weaknesses and our strengths, our dreams
and our worries. We allow them in and give them Knowledge. It takes a while-at
least a few months-for this Knowledge to build up. But it will.
Be happy that Knowledge can be used for good, to build us up and make us feel
stronger, more secure, and happier. But partners also use Knowledge against us,
leaving us feeling vulnerable, sometimes abused. Being prepared for just how
many "buttons" are going to get pushed is important to keeping the
relationship going strong even during tough times. And all this happens because
of love.
So take love, in all its forms, and embrace it. At least try. Don't get scared
when you first start to realize that "some of the passion is gone,"
after the first month, or after the first year. Right around the corner is
another kind of love that brings its own rewards.
Find the love you want at Transgender
Personals.
Mix 'n Match
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